I’ve taken a two-month break, just because so much has been happening. And my anxiety has gone up. But I figure it’s time to continue being creative and keep sharing what’s on my mind.
I’m still in quarantine and working from home. I’m grateful to still have a job. Though, living alone gets very lonely, even if I’m the type of person who cherishes alone time.
The pandemic certainly reminds me of what’s important – the people in my life. I think about the moments I’ve had with them and can’t help but wonder, “Maybe I should’ve been present with them a bit more instead of letting my mind wander or overthink about something entirely unrelated.” This, human interaction, plus more are things we take for granted.
In April, I celebrated my ten-year anniversary of my car accident, or what I call my Celebration of Life. It’s bittersweet. I feel so empowered that I’ve made it this far. I’ve adjusted so well that the accident itself doesn’t seem real at all. Yet, on the anniversary date, the entire traumatic incident and aftermath still stick out as, “Wow, what happened was pretty horrible. Those injuries were gruesome and unfortunate.” And then the infamous question pops up, “I wonder what my life would’ve been like if…” Even if it’s just a second, these thoughts still come to mind, and I now recognize them as “unwanted loyal visitors.”
Nonetheless, I do focus more energy on the fact that I’m ALIVE and have overcome my biggest unexpected obstacle yet. I can say I am my own role model without sounding conceited or cheesy. This ten-year anniversary is a milestone so of course I reflected longer than usual.
Here’s what I posted on my Instagram, accompanied by this photo and a short video of me doing my own yoga session from home…
10th Anniversary – Celebration of Life
Today is my ten-year challenge. It’s been ten years since my car accident in Australia, and I’m not sure how to feel about this fact.
This waiting game we’re all playing right now couldn’t feel more familiar though. It reminds me of laying in this hospital bed for one month with anxiety and questions about my future. I look at this photo of me as a hot mess and at my absolute worst, remembering how heavy those bandages and splints weighed, and yet I can’t help but notice I’m somehow still smiling for the camera. Why?
I’m pretty sure not only because my brother probably told me say cheese, but also because I already knew at that time that life moves on. I knew I could lay there and complain all I wanted, about my derailed plans and why this happened to me, but that’d be selfish and it wouldn’t help at the end of each day. I’d still have my battle wounds to face. Of course that’s not to say I didn’t have bad days. Because after this photo was taken, I’d have four years dedicated to a total of eleven exhausting surgeries and weekly hand therapy.
But now at the ten-year mark, I’m living independently (something everyone questioned at some point), and doing vinyasa flows with permanently injured hands. This decade taught me about RESILIENCE more than anything – how I have to accept what I can’t change, trust in patience, discover what I can do now, focus on my own path against what others hint, and always know how grateful I am, that I could’ve easily died.
Let’s just say I’d rather “vinyasa“ flow with my own life’s timing to heal, grow, and be happy than rush on some master timeline for inauthenticity and unhappiness. With that said, I recently began a blog to share these thoughts (link in bio).
A BIG thank you to those who wholeheartedly only lit up these past years with positivity, support, and encouragement, including my AMAZING heroes of doctors and therapists.
Living after surviving to the next decade.
In May, I drove up north to the Bay Area to be with my family for my birthday. Let me say, it didn’t feel like my birthday at all! I drove up that day and had a nice home cooked meal from my mom along with the rest of my immediate family. A simple, quiet, quarantine birthday. Still so blessed though.
What was planned as a week visit turned into one month! This remote working sure has its benefits. I got comfortable I guess you can say. It was all about being with the people in my life during these trying times, like I stated before. But also, I needed to not be alone anymore – living alone during quarantine can be tough. Hence, my anxiety.
However, I mostly blame the family dog, who I’ve loved since we brought him home. I’m the one who named him Kona. It’s always a treat to be with him and smother him with kisses.
In addition, my brother just got his second dog – a golden colored labordoodle puppy named Jin. So of course, now is the best time to snuggle up to our surrounding pets as much as we can.
But now that I’m back in Los Angeles, I’ve got some catching up to do as far as my side goals – the main reason I came back because at home, I just don’t get anything done! Maybe it’s the cute Kona distractions or my family or the relaxed feeling of just being at home. In any case, when I’m living on my own, I feel more motivated and less lazy.
Also, to mention a little something about the Black Lives Matter movement – I’m beyond happy about it. It’s overdue and it’s only made me want to listen and learn. It’s also made me appreciate community and collaboration. Let’s honestly keep the conversation going! I’ll be discussing this in another post soon!
P.S. Sorry for all the dog posts, but really, can you blame me for loving them so much?
June 10, 2020